Wolves, Pickles, and Clogs
by SilverTurtle
Summary: How do these seemingly unrelated things come together in the Russo's sub-shop? Read and learn.


**A/N:** _**Elfquest**__, for those who don't know it, is an insanely cool fantasy comic and can be found in its entirety on the website elfquest(dot)com. So good, you guys, it's so good. Read it. You don't need to read it to really understand this fic, but it's good enough that you should read it anyway. Credit to the always amazing Lodylodylody for inspiring this nugget of joy in one of our many and often off the wall chats.  
_

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**WOLVES, PICKLES, AND CLOGS**

"Alex! What have you done?" Justin's panicked voice came from the stairwell where he was staring in horror at what he undoubtedly saw as a giant mess and which Alex saw as a great time.

"I brought the Wolfriders here, duh," she answered simply.

Justin came down the rest of the stairs and pushed his way through a dozen large wolves and a dozen midget-sized elves, avoiding playful snaps and various weapon points as he went. He looked around him and started that twitch Alex found hilarious to watch, "Why? Why? Why would you do that?"

"Well, if I'm going to be with a werewolf I should get to know wolves better, right?" Alex gestured to all the activity around them with a satisfied grin, then she smirked at her brother and gestured to him, "And I knew you'd make that face if I did. Hahaha."

"Alex!" Justin exploded, "You can't just bring these guys over here? What if someone saw them? How would you explain it, huh?"

"Circus folk."

Justin's eyebrows shot up, "Circus folk?"

"Yeeeeup," Alex rocked back and forth on her heels and clapped her hands, pleased with her explanation.

"Alex," Justin said mockingly, "That's ridiculous. No one is going to believe the Wolfriders are circus folk. Look at them! They've got pointy ears! And weapons!"

Just then Harper walked in with her boyfriend Zeke in tow, "We heard shouting-OHMYGOODNESSWOLVES! Ahhhhhhhh!" Harper slapped her boyfriend to stop the screaming.

"Zeke," Harper said calmly eying the wolves and her best friend equally, "I'm positive there's a perfectly good explanation for all of this."

"Really?" Zeke looked scared but willing to listen.

"Pssht, of course there's an explanation," Alex gave her classic covering-her-ass laugh and said, "They're circus folk!"

"Circus folk?" Zeke questioned.

Justin gave Alex his I-told-you-so look and Alex just held up a hand and hissed, "Wait for it."

"I guess that makes sense," Zeke nodded happily. "So they're all little people in costumes," he reasoned to himself, "with their trained wolves. How cool! Hey, there was a sword like that in Dungeons and Gargoyles! My level 80 elf carries it! Oh, that is so cool! Do you juggle your swords? Hey, how do you feel about clog dancing?"

"Clog...dancing?" an inquisitive white-haired elf Alex recognized as Skywise asked, "What is clog dancing?"

Zeke practically beamed, "Oh man! You don't know? It's only the best form of dance known to man!" Zeke crowed enthusiastically. "You wait here," Zeke nodded and pointed both index fingers to the ground, "and I'll go get my clogging shoes!" He ran out the front doors of the sub shop laughing to himself.

Harper watched her boyfriend leave with a slightly miffed look on her face, then she turned to Alex and raised her eyebrows in a way that clearly demanded an explanation.

Alex beamed at her, "Getting to know wolves better."

Harper blinked at Alex, opened her mouth, closed her mouth, shook her head, threw up her hands and went back downstairs.

"Alex?" A quiet voice asked from on top of a barstool by the counter.

Alex looked around Justin to see who spoke. She saw the youngest, yet fiercest, of the elves, their blond haired blue-eyed leader, "Yes, Cutter?"

Cutter curiously examined the soggy green cylinder in his hand, "What is this?"

Alex grinned, "That, my friend, is only the best food in the world. It's a pickle."

"A...pickle?" Cutter sniffed curiously at it, then took a bite. He chewed slowly for a moment while his whole tribe watched him, then his eyes grew bright and he grinned and wolfed down the rest of the pickle. "This is delicious! We must take some of these back with us!"

"Go for it, dude," Alex laughed as she and Justin watched Cutter's tribe sink their hands into the pickle jar and each eat one for themselves allowing the wolves to lick their hands after. They quickly demolished that jar and searched for another, all flowing into the kitchen and back out again with the shop's entire supply of pickles. They spread out all across the shop and lounged while eating their pickles.

"Oooooh, Dad's not gonna be happy with you," Justin sing-songed mockingly. He crossed his arms over his chest in triumph, "And I can't even be blamed for this one a little. Ha!" He took the stairs up two at a time and called down, "Have fun facing the music!" She heard his evil cackle all the way to the top of the staircase.

"Pssht." Alex brushed that off and went to sit with one of the couples of the group: Redlance, a cheery redhead, and his mate Nightfall, a serene brunette. She plopped herself on the floor and was immediately swarmed by their wolves. She found herself at the bottom of a wolf-pile while the elves laughed. "You guys are nothing like the elves I've met."

"No?" Nightfall asked with a gentle smile, "How are we different?"

The whole tribe, while they didn't move or appear to even notice, were listening carefully.

"Well," Alex shoved one of the friendlier wolves off her chest and sat up to lean back against that same wolf, "For one, they were taller. And they knew about this world. One of them even tutored my little brother."

"Really?" Skywise asked, "What was your brother learning?"

"Magic," Alex simply stated but the whole tribe came alert.

"Magic?" Cutter leaned forward from his perch atop a table, "Your elf knew magic?"

Alex furrowed her brow, "Yes. All the elves I've known know magic. They're magical creatures by nature. Like you guys, I guess."

Most of the tribe sadly shook their heads. It was the dark-eyed soft spoken Moonshade who explained, "Our tribe has long forgotten how to use the magic we once possessed. We lost our magic and bonded with our wolves to help us to survive. But none of us could perform the feats of magic you did to get us here."

"Well," Alex looked thoughtfully at the elves and their wolf partners, "Magic causes more problems than it solves. And you've got these beautiful wolves. I think you have the better end of the deal really."

The Wolfriders grinned and patted their wolves, obviously agreeing with the sentiment.

Zeke burst panting through the doors, "Okay, circus people, prepare to be amazed!" Zeke tossed off his tennis shoes and pulled on his wooden clogs and jumped into a flurry of movement, "I am the lord of the dance! Yeah!"

The Wolfriders laughed and hooted, clapping their hands and stomping their feet to provide a beat.

One of them, Pike, another male redhead who chewed on something called dreamberries, pointed and called out, "Look at Woodfeet go! That's my kind of dance!"

Drawn, finally, by all the noise came Jerry and Theresa down the stairs. They paused midway down staring at the surreal scene playing out in their shop. Their daughter in the midst of wolves and elves behaving for all the world like this were a regular party thing while their other daughter's boyfriend clogged to his heart's content.

"Alex!" Jerry shouted, immediately silencing the entire downstairs, he devolved into incoherent spluttering while Theresa coolly eyed the shop. Zeke hurriedly made his escape down the stairs to Harper's basement room.

Theresa raised an eyebrow at her daughter, who grinned sheepishly back, then turned to her husband. "Jerry, we have several 200 pound wolves in our restaurant," she paused and drew a deep breath and exclaimed in her Knock-It-Off-Lady voice, "I am NOT cleaning that up!" She turned on her heel and stomped up the stairs muttering under her breath about magic and smelly animals.

Jerry remained spluttering while Alex hurriedly collected all the Wolfriders and escorted them back to the portal and sent them home. Cutter managed to grab three jars of pickles on the way, and Alex knew the others had grabbed some too. She said her farewells and closed the portal door as the last of them stepped through.

She emerged from the lair and hopped up the stairs to stand by her father. She kissed his cheek and was about to go merrily on her way when Jerry stopped her with a hand on her arm. "Oh, no, little missy. You're cleaning this mess up." When Alex reached for her wand Jerry tutted and said, "No magic."

"But Dad," Alex whined, "Cleaning this'll take forever!" She looked dourly on the spilled pickle juice and tufts of fur strewn about the shop.

"All the better to teach you a lesson," Jerry said firmly while taking Alex's wand and going back upstairs.

Alex pouted for a full thirty seconds. Then, when she was certain her dad was gone, she rolled her eyes and pulled her mini-wand from her bracelet. As she cast a cleaning charm on the shop she muttered, "As if I'd clean that by hand. I've got a date in an hour."

**THE END**

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**A/N:** _When I do a real crossover of these fandoms, it'll be epic. _


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